It's been about a month, perhaps a bit longer, since Dad left now. Everything sort of blurs together lately though. I talked to mom about 20 min. ago, and she asked when I was coming home again. She keeps asking and I keep giving her days, and frankly even planning to, but somehow it never happens. I guess I'm just feeling so conflicted about all this. We're loving our independence out here, and it feels so good to finally stop talking about having a place and actually be settled in to something. The wondering about when it's time to get serious about all of this seems to have at least partially lifted off the back of my mind. At the same time I know mom needs me. I guess it just bothers me to think about putting this all on hold and saying that we're going back to the way things were knowing that it may be awhile before this chance presents it self again. In a month they will be ripping down this building anyway, so it's not like we won't be ousted from our comfort here anyway. I guess I just don't want to have to go back to believing that him say he wants to move in together is some cop-out because he knows we can't and wont; the way things used to be.
I've called dad a few times this last week but he's working 7 days a week for the company they have him temping for down there. We hope we can try to keep the house. He doesn't really have time to talk and the 3 hour time difference makes things a little complicated. The most we've really said to each other since he left was when I had my first class about two weeks ago. Other than that we texted a bit the other day. It's long distance, but it's nice to try to ignore that and pretend there's something that resembles normalcy in all this. He said when we come down for thanksgiving if we do he'll take me to the zoo down there. I like zoos; there really is something nice about the innocent whimsy of all of it. It's like a respite from everything else. So far two of four managers refuse to authorize the time off. They say that because of the time of year and Black Fri. those are black out dates for reserving time off. I told them that's why I was requesting two and a half months in advance, because otherwise it will be at least a year before I see my father again. He won't be back for Christmas. He promised. I remember when mom told me; I hadn't cried like that in a long time. It was like everything coming to a head in one big burst. I told her he lied to me. I told her about how when I was up early that morning so we could eat breakfast together before he left (I don't eat breakfast. It made me stomach hurt, but he wanted me to.)he promised. She told me about how their 17th anniversary was that Wednesday. It would be the first they had spent apart. I felt so selfish crying as my mother told me that she wasn't sure she wanted to live past that Wednesday. I guess I'm just sick and tired of something in my head trying to avoid all this, but at the same time hoping for my life to just go back to normal.